She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
