so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize