now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize