I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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