Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
