i don't like sucking hair
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize