Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
