I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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