Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
