I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
