Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
