i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
