goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
