it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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