Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
