Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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