Whod you bang
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
