it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
