Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My bed smells like the plague
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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