She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
