with your own penis?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
