something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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