The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My dick has a subreddit
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
