I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
