Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So vagazzling was a success
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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