While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
