Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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