The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
