Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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