Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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