I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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