Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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