im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
