turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
