Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
