"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
