haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
