just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
