New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
