i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
