we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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