Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
