While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
