what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
