also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
