she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
