Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
