wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
