Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
