OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize