I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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