I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
