i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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