i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
