He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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