My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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