just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
