I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
