I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
