I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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