I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
