Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
why didn't you poke me back
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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