It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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