I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is it because I queefed?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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