Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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