he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
