It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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