Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
