I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
