the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
