"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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